Falling from grace.

I crawled under the mystic light, to see the halo shining bright.
And every other thing that was in between us...
I feel from grace and bruised my heart,
And spent every single hour,
Wiping away tears that overflew...yeah.

The heights to which you promised love, the zenith of the broken trust.
The moonlight and the dances underneath it.
The memories of a contuse core,
you left estranged wanting more...



More and more... so much more... it pains to even think how much. And what could've been... The plethora of possibilities and all that could've been...
Unanswered questions...

Anywhere but here.

Like the rainbow exudes... stays for a second and then leaves without any hint about when it will show up next- I want to flee. Away into the darkness, into the tint and shade of that nightmare where I feel safe and protected. I want to feel that innocence that only the kid inside me can bring. I want to live past the horrors that today brought and walk into the dread of the indeterminate tomorrow.

I am no longer afraid, because you have given me the strength to be anywhere but here. I choke on my own air and suffocate in the same surrounding that once aroused the mortal in me. I can dare to be happy and hold myself back from the malicious smile I wanted to smile all along. I can dream to desire the forbidden fruit and voice the verboten verses that swindle in my head. I am not afraid. I can be.

You've shown me that I can be, anywhere but here. But you have clouded my destination by your antipathy and shown me no signs of backing off or rue. I shudder, but I follow my heart. I block my fear, look it in the eye, tell it I'm strong I will make it through the rain. I don't need your sympathy. I miss my friends. Everyone who pretended to care, but has left me helpless and in the time of need. Because you said so. I wish you were here to see me make it. Someplace you thought only you can take me. On the brink of bliss and yet I shed a lonesome tear, remembering how good it would have been if you were here. However, I'd be anywhere but here...In the comfort of your arms, in the cradle of your love.

People Always Leave.

And you fire up your engine, listen to it hurl, feel all the horse power pumping... the pistons racing against each other, competing. You sit in the driver's seat, feel the breeze in your hair, wipe the tears from your eyes, look at the long unending road, and the glow of the green light. And then, as the light ticks to red, you speed off into that murky road...hoping to be held back but wishing not.

What you don't know is that feeling of being invincible and oh so free is so liberating at first and then starts to gag your being altogether. When you turn to the ones you trust and the slam the door at your face. When life closes all it's doors at you...when not even a window is left ajar. Where do you run to? Whom do you turn to?

When no one comes to your rescue, and you're left unspoken to. Left untouched and unloved. The thin red line between sanity and reality, when it's left far far behind the prescribed and the savior turns his back... you realize, nothing lasts forever. You realize that it's too late to hope for any change and that everything ceases to realism.

That's when every part you clings onto memories and yesterday. You're thrown off-course and made to believe that nothing and no one will ever stand by you. You're lingering in the eerie silence of loneliness and destitute and nothing can save you from fate.

People always leave.

Dawn

Awaken- to the light of the morning. To the mist of the day. To the smell of the ocean. To the walk in the rain.

Open- to the possibilities of now. To the doors that lead afar. To the hues of the sunlight. Grazing its way into the dark.

Speak- to your mind. To your soul. To your weakness when it takes it toll.

Arise- Head held high to the sky. Awaken the fire that keeps you alive.

Dawn.Purity.Sanctity.Serenity.


Unperturbed.

Kindly Unspoken.

Unspoken words often go on to mean more than just what words can say.

Silence- A feeling, a sensation.

The eerie silence.
The cold wind.
The shuddering chill down your spine.
All of these with just saying nothing at all.
Now that is enticing, that is power.

A slight touch. A gazed look. A piercing glare.
The spectral conjure.
An innovation in its own.

Kindly Unspoken. I show my emotions.
That's all it takes to tell myself, I'm okay.

Be inspired.

Confused Confessions

Unfaithful.
Insecure.
Obsessive.
Obscure.

Thoughts that linger in my mind. A persistent itch of discomfort. A sinking feeling of disdain. A perpetual giddy guilt.
A rainbow trickles some black and white. Indeed the birds sing for me, tonight.
Passive passions. Unruly encounters.
Story ended in bittersweet burial.

Monotonous Monstrous. Deceivingly reviving and then finally choking into the calm of the night.
Gentle breezes carry the sound. Hazardous hues smile upon me and I stand in the corner head ducked down.

Ashamed.
Afraid.
Compulsive.
Dead.

Guilt Trip.

No, this is not one of those trips I enjoy taking. The sheer guilt, kills me. Unless of course I've been told that it's okay and that being actually meant. Hmph.
And when the faces become like this, it's even worse. Disappointment- nothings as bad as that but well, it is just a polite way of saying, "I want to slit your throat."
Corresponding to what is being said on the other end, an apology sure doesn't mean anything. And thus the indifference. Oh, the silence. Boo-hoo. Call me Drama Queen, but hey I don't like people being mad at me. Especially, one's that I really care about. :(

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