Forbidden Love.

In an alcove in the woods,
Naked, she stood.
Creepers entwined her toes,
Her face the color of a blooming rose.

Under the jittery raindrops,
Amongst a lair of wild crops,
She stood alone, confused,
Her heart however, was enthused.

She felt an eye upon her,
His eyes the brightest amber,
He looked a little mystified,
Lost, perplexed, unidentified.

A wry smile ran across her face,
He returned the favor with umpteen grace,
Walked little steps, closer and near,
And established a love most sincere.

The rain clouds outdrew,
The sun shone through,
Miles of meadows multiplied,
Paradise- they espied.

To the zenith of bliss; they rose,
For life one another, they chose.
But the heavens had planned otherwise,
The nimbus, the rain-implies.

The little battles, they fought they won,
But sooner or later, they would be outrun,
They realized the end had dawned
Fate had them tricked and conned.

This love never meant to survive,
The thick, the thin, the connive.
It blew past like the piquant tempest,
Strong, agile and mystically sweetest.

Echo.

In an empty four by four room, a lone window overlooks the majestic hills. The roach on the opposite wall often beats it's antennae together to hear the sound being reflected from the magnanimous mountain. It pleased her.

The strange aura of dictatorship from the mountain, how it held within the power to break or build anything, starting from a sound to a season, enticed the roach.

One day, she decided, she wanted to go upfront and feel the mountain, for herself. Ignoring everyone, she clicked her toes together and started her voyage towards the great mountain of the north. She was scared, after all what does a roach say to the majestic king when she gets there...? She thought of something flattering yet witty to say to him once she got to the top. She reached the foothill and looked upwards... it was a long way from home, indeed and the path looked spuriously dangerous. But she gathered up all her courage and started her ascent. She saw a lot of little things on her way that reminded her of home and the comfort that she has left behind. But she had her mind set and focused on availing the love of her life for good.

She got to the top. The sheer magnanimity scared her lifeless but she held her ground. A look and she knew, he was all she wanted. She wanted to be the only echo he'd reflect...

But he never opened his eyes to look at her and left her at the top, all alone and cold.

She was just another echo.

Life in Purple.

Pictures courtesy: National Geographic.

Charlatan Tales.

So it happened once again when she looked out of her tainted window to find yet another person holding a shot gun to her face. She turned to the right, turned to the left and every where she turned daggers pointed straight in her eye. She tried to muffle enough air in her mouth and held it for as long as she could and then let out the mouthful in one go. When her patience died. She closed her eyes said a prayer. She mumbled a few lines, for all those who cared, and the with closed eyes walked straight on. Images of smiling faces and sounds of laughter filled her ears and just as she expected the jagged edge of the dagger to run right through her, she survived. Through the corner of her eye, she saw you clearing out one dagger after the other and paving her path. With eyes closed tight and a smile plastered on her thin cracked lips, she kept on walking till she fell in your arms and you held her like you held her the first time. She sunk into you and you stroked her hair, she said another little prayer while you held her hand, she pressed her ears to your chest while you heartbeat continued to soar, and then she cried. Little tear drops that you could neither see nor feel but dollops of which her heart cried. Silently, discreetly but in amounts beyond measure.

The sun finally shone on her side of town, the satiated rainbow finally regained its colors...but something's got to give, she knew, the question was what? And soon it began to peep it's ugly head out of what was most special. The demonic resurgence of all that was wrong with her today... came to life...very slowly, very steadily and very secretively. It began to grow... and still grows... and begins to pray again. Chant the incantations aloud this time and a spurious smile to ornament the pain and the pangs.

Revelations.

When the road less traveled seems like the devil's incarnate and the red rose of love has Satan's head embossed on it... it's no wonder the path is untrodden upon for ever and after. But when the west wind blows towards that road and washes out the sin and suffering and paves a primrose path for the wayward wanderer why are people still afraid to walk it? Many a times, the changes that dawn upon us in the worst of situations are the changes that last. It is those changes that carve a human out of an embryo and a woman out of a little naive girl. To face your worst fears and hold out knowing that what is most important and indispensable might never return or look back for that matter is heart wrenching. But just knowing that perhaps the wait will be worth it to make sun shine again, the birds chirp again is reason enough to wait a lifetime or even more for that matter.

Revelations, lead to a whole lot of things that otherwise were untouched upon. It introduces a conscience amidst the most savage and brutal. A steady head on the most unsteady, a smile on the eternally upset or a nod of acceptance from the forever rejected. It led to the most stimulating change in my life. What was fine forever to keep, that which I disregarded mercilessly, is what I need to keep me sane and it is what will keep me sane in any case. I could smile those hollow smiles in front of those strangers and vagabonds but when he is around I fall weak on any expression except regret and repent. People change, so do they deserve another chance to exercise their change? When they promise not to hurt...when they promise not to salvage and singe the truth, when they promise to be there... do they?

All Apologies.

I ducked the sliver flash that went past me, I hid from the holocaust and saved myself. I saw the little fireflies buzz their fluttery wings and I drowned in the music of those little things. I closed my eyes, to imbibe the moment I closed them a little too tight because what I saw after the lids were shut is still looming over me like a haunted kite.

The cocoon of a butterfly unfurled so slowly, the leaves fell of the tree majestically, I fell from grace at a snails pace and you broke into tears like a sweet symphony. I held your tears as they rolled down your cheek, I kept them in an oyster's shell. I held your face in my cupped hands lightly as you wept me out your sorrowful tale. I rummaged through the scraps like a hungry stray dog, I picked up pieces like a urchin child. You held your gaze in milky starlight, in your heart you had me exiled. I breathed truth in your ears, you didn't hear me, I smelt the love in your caustic heart. Yet you didn't say those words so dear to me, I nodded understood your rubble path.

It's hard I know more for you than me, and yet it's hope that's keeps me on. Don't give up on me, I grieve so coarsely this moment is all I've ever had.

Salty Dream.

You are the only thing I want...
The only thing I can’t get...
You are the deepest residue of the word sorrow...
You are the only wish ungranted...
The only joy unknown...
You are what awakens me...
And what puts me into deepest of slumbers...
You are what I need...
And yet your very name makes me feel empty inside....
You are the root of all desire...
And yet you are the fire of destruction...
You are so much...
Yet sometimes just empty and meaningless...
You are the smile I need...
You are the last tear drop I dry...
Sometimes I wish you were here...
But then just sometimes I hate you for being so far away...
Life plays games...
And you seem to be playing well...
Making me so sad...
And yet happy all over again....
You are the very essence of life...
My last breath...
You make me want to live on and wait...
And yet your absence makes me want to die...
Will u ever come back??
Will I ever see u smile...
Or just hold me in your arms...
Hug me just for a while???
Will you dry the unwatered tears...?
Will you see the oceans behind the emptiness...?
Or will u just pretend not to understand...
And fail to recognize...
Will you deny the love...?
Or will you hide it somewhere
Or will u just let it bloom
Like a flower that’s so rare...
Will it ever happen??
Or will it all end just the same way it does every morning...
Just another painful dream??
Will you change it for me....
Or will u just let it be...
Will u be the one I need...
Or will u rather decide to remain a treasured memory...??
A part of the scattered past...
A past that’s too silent to awake...
A past that’s too dead to understand....
Too painful to relive...
You are not all this...
Neither all that...
All I know is u were the only one I had...
And now your place is empty...
Just a vacuum no one can fill....
And yet that’s because it’s too hard to let you go...
Too hard to part with the last thing I have...
Too hard to leave back memories....
Memories that cry by...
Those flash a thousand times a second...
And sometimes just walk oh so slow....
Are u all this??
Are u all that??
Are you anything??
Or just another meaningless dream...?
A dream I live by...
A dream too hard
A dream too complicated...
A dream...
Just another salty dream...
Dream with tears...
Dream with emotions...
Dream with sorrow and pain and grief...
A dream too hard to live by...
A dream impossible to let die...
It must be a dream...
It is a dream...
The tears in my eyes are just a ritual...
This is nothing but a dream........
Oh just another salty dream...

Frenzy.

I've cried a million rivers,
And named them all for you,
You've made the tear drops bigger,
With every word you spewed.

Your mouth that lunged in lies,
Your eyes that veiled the truth,
Your face so curt precise,
Your heart stone cold blue.

I've sinned more than Satan himself, I've created a crater for me knowing too damn well how deep I had dug it for me.I've made too many mistakes to make any rights, told too many lies to take any back, hurt too many innocent people to beg for any forgiveness and disappointed a million other who mean so much to me. It is a habit, and he is right, I don't deserve any happiness, any compassion, any empathy whatsoever. I am so evil,I should rot in hell. I made him cry more than he had all his life through and he has no one but me to blame for it. I sunk his morale so low, he had to reach out from the back of the coffin to find it again. He has found love in the eyes of someone else and she will keep him happier than I could ever because I don't deserve him. She will be his Princess and make him feel so special that he will get over all the pain he had ever felt with me. Sadly enough, I know who she is and she is so dear to me too. I can't live like this.My world has crashed and burnt in front of my eyes and I have no one but me to blame for it. I have ruined something so special that to awaken it from its death sleep I need to die. And if that is what it takes, so be it. I don't want to live this in any case. It's too painful. It's hurting him to see me alive it's hurting me to breathe with the guilt and shame of all of it. It is killing him to pretend to laugh and smile with me, it is killing me to see him having to pretend. How do I make it all go away? Maybe I should go away. I am the girl of his nightmares who made it seem so perfect once upon a time. He gave up everything he ever loved for me and I just threw everything back at his face without caring for anyone or anything but me. He wants to see my blood rum down the gutters and sooner or later you will. I will lie in front of you and die in your memories.